Sad Woman’s Bible

I’ve sarcastically talked about writing a book for years. It’s probably been written already though.

The Sad Woman’s Bible would be a collection of stories about dating disasters. Some friends as well as myself have had some pretty unbelievable dating stories, unfortunately not good ones. Some of them are completely ridiculously pitiful, but at the same time hilarious.

One of my own was a guy I met at a country bar. He was great. Nice teeth, looked good in a cowboy hat, had a job raising cattle(OMG can you say baby cows? CUTE), extremely intelligent, witty, funny and knew how to dance.

Even my friends said to go for it.

I figured I would give him a chance. I should have known something was up when he spoke about people thinking too much of worldly possessions.  He invited me over for salmon dinner.

I drive out to meet him, kind of nervous but excited. It’s far in the sticks but he’s a cowboy so it’s okay. I pull up. I think to myself, Where is the house?

Good lord. He greets me and shows me around. Oh god. Oh no. He lives in a shack. Like a real life shack. It’s connected to a carport and is one single room but made into three with dry wall. The ceiling is boards. The stove is circa 1920′s. It is freezing. Oh god. What if I have to pee? Where is the bathroom? Well, exit through the carport and there is the bathroom. I’ve seen an outhouse with more amenities. There is a shower head coming out of the wall, and a curtain jimmy rigged around it. Toilet was purchased at the same time as said stove. At this point I don’t have to go to the bathroom anymore.

I had to keep it cool. But on the inside…

Being the sweet girl that I am, I toughen up and stick it out. I eat the salmon cooked by his ancient stove (It was actually delicious).

I even stick around and watch him build a bonfire. Now this guy is technically living at his work. There are cows within about 30 feet away from us and the fire. Some of them start to scatter and whine. Shack Guy tells me not to worry, it’s just a coyote. He rushes away back into the shack and comes out with a loaded shot gun. All I am thinking is, I have way too much stuff to do to wake up murdered tomorrow. Oh god.

Anyway, he fires a shot into the air. In a few minutes the cows relax and everything is peachy. I decided to head out and thanked him for a pleasant evening. Then I got in my car and drove for the hills.

I might sound shallow, but I prefer to call it standards.  After meeting Shack Guy, I put a new requirement on my list, which is to have a ceiling and a bathroom that is not just connected to the outdoors.

I have even more terrible stories that are my friends. I hope someday I find the time to put them to writing.

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